Oh the Kids!

It has been an exhausting week of selling lamps and rugs and toys and games and linens. The boys are helping by bringing me items to put into the sale that they are willing to let go of. First, the broken necklace, the party favor puzzle, the small plastic crocodile on wheels, later they become more generous and amazing with putting out Pokemon Cards, games, movies, books and even giving a precious knight's horse to a friend saying, "I don't need this anymore". I keep working on posting and selling items on Craigslist and Ebay and following through with appointments. We also have been on the medical rampage. Understanding that in a few months our generous insurance will be up, we decide to all go in for appointments for medical and dental, which are leading to secondary appointments of eye doctors, orthodontists, sleep specialists and blood tests. This also is the beginning of my research to finding private insurance for our trip. So much to think about.

With all this going on I am getting visits and phone calls from friends and family and with concern in their eyes and voices they ask, "What are you doing?" and "Why are you doing this?" So we are explaining to them what we are, in fact, doing, and why we are doing it, and assuring them we will be okay. "Of course, this is only temporary," and "We will probably be back in 3 months" is a few of the unsure comments we make. It is so wonderful to have so many people concerned about us. We stop to count our blessings.

During all these conversations we realize we haven't sat down as a family and openly talked with the boys about what is going on and ask them what they think, if they have any questions or ideas. So last night, while in the hot tub in the dark of our forest (which I can not express how much I will miss) we ask our boys how they are doing. The response is not good. They don't want to go. The older does not want to travel and the truth is that he usually doesn't want to go anywhere. Never leave the house is his motto and since we have been homeschooling he is even more attached. Even to do fun things, he drags his feet to leave. He likes stability, and we have moved 3 times already in his short 8 year life. I guess he is clinging on to his hopes of staying somewhere forever. He asks, "When will we be back?" My husband and I stutter over how we should answer the question. He asks with more intensity, "How long will we be gone?" Our feeble answer, that we just don't know for sure, brings on the upset we felt coming. Both our faces freeze as he shows in his body language how angry his is with us.

Thinking back to when I was about 7 or 8, and we moved from what was familiar to me (city suburbia) to a totally different area (rural suburbia), I remember how hard it was for me to understand why everything had to change.

I see forward into the future, my grown older son will tell me how his problems are all because of what we did wrong, like taking this crazy trip, and never settling down to let him stay in one home forever. He will ask me to pay for the 5 year long therapy sessions he has to take because of our selfish actions. I should start my jar collecting the funds to pay for it now...

Back in the hot tub, our 5 year old son is a lot more accepting of the idea of a trip. He starts to ask, "Who we will visit?" Grandma? Grandpa? Nana? Grandpa? Great-Grandma? Great Grandpa? Our cousins? How many cousins do we have? Our Uncles? Our Aunts? Friends? Will we see all of them? What else will we do? We answer each question to try to keep the excitement while peering over to the elder son, and watch him immediately get out of the tub and run into the house.

It breaks my heart to watch him react so negatively to our journey and am not sure what to do except hug him and explain how I do understand how much he wants to stay and keep everything the same. I reassure him that this is not forever, just a trip together as a family. However, I know in the back of my mind, that I don't know how long this trip will be, and hope that the words "together as a family" will bring him comfort.

By the end of the night, both boys are laughing again and smiling with worries forgotten. I just hope the more we share about the trip, the more excitement and acceptance will grow about the unknown before us. Of course, still, it's always good to put another quarter in the therapy jar.