My Sweet Husband

This weekend was a getaway.

A getaway from stress, to-do lists and being of service. It was time to see the Eurovan in Olympia (which is about 2 hours from our home) after it came out of the shop with a decent bill of health. This weekend also was filled with birthday parties and people coming to see our furniture for sale, and huge to-do lists. The signs of stress were very apparent to me. The usual suspects had lined up on the wall: uncontrollable crying, high sensitivity, frustration and zero patience.

This is the part where I tell you how much I LOVE my husband. We were talking (or was that just me?) and he told me I needed a break. There was so much to take in and not enough time to soak it in and process it. Spending every minute to take care of to-dos, selling items, making sure the kids were given extra time with me so I can help them process what is going on, and still maintaining our everyday busy schedule with homeschooling and classes, I forgot some of the simple things one does to maintain a proper healthy mind. Things like sleep, healthy eating and taking time out to do activities I enjoy like reading or taking a walk. The kids and I are doing yoga 3 times a week, but since they don't love it enough to do it 3 times a week (or they had realized that this is not, in fact, something truly for them, but for me) even that had become something that felt stressful for me.

He told me, "Why don't you go down to Olympia by yourself and look at the camper and get a hotel and stay and relax. Don't come home until you feel ready. Don't feel like you have to do anything for awhile."

So do you know how long it took him to convince me? One minute. He was so right and so aware of my disposition and needs. I looked in his bright blue caring eyes. I also saw that he looked older and tired. My sweet boy, I thought. When I met him, he was so young and high energy and wild. He was over a year younger than me, and at 26, that seemed like a big deal. He was like a lot of men at 24, you know, eager, excited and ready for anything. But more than that, he had just moved out from home only a few months before. He was just starting his independent adventure, and I had been on mine already for 7 years. I remember thinking to myself, he is so immature, so young and naive. That was over 10 years ago. I looked at him now and saw the years on him. The wrinkles under his eyes had gotten deeper and crossed each other, and his skin was softer. His face and neck had broadened as all men's seem to do as they age, taking away any sign that they were ever a young boy. Seeing his understanding and compassion and love looking at me, I thought he really has grown up into a beautiful, sensitive, powerful man.
That is when I said, "Okay."

So I packed up my needed things and drove away. Right before I got to Olympia, the owners of the Eurovan called me on my cell to say to come by. Surprisingly, this was my first time in old town Olympia. I loved the neighborhood, it's aging 1920's housing that was now decorated with peace and diversity flags. People were sitting out on their porches, enjoying the unusually warm sunny weather for fall in the Pacific Northwest. I parked my car, right next to the only house that had a big white Eurovan parked outside and I knew I had found the right place. I looked it over, gave it a test drive and decided with all my (lack of) automotive expertise, that it seemed great. We plan to have them put the van back into the shop to fix a few things, while we await funds to come through, and will come back next weekend to sign the papers. Their little 7 year old girl in her sweet heart shirt and flowing skirt says to her mom, "but I don't want you to sell it, it's like a home." (Yes, it is like a home, our new home) I look at her and see her dealing with the pain of change and think of my own boys and hope they will love it that much. The woman tells her it is going to a good home with 2 kids who are also going to care for it. Yes, VW's are just like a family pet and I feel honored to have hers.

I take their suggestion at staying at the Phoenix Inn that sits 2 blocks from the Port of Olympia's Farmer's Market. The hotel is not too bad, kind of like a Best Western with crystal chandeliers hanging in the lobby. The women who work the front desk were both very friendly and after finding out about my getaway, asked me where I found such a wonderful husband. I told them I was indeed a very lucky woman.

The night and next day were peaceful and insightful. I stayed as long as I wanted while doing just what I wanted and felt the stress disappear into the sky. With a happy heart and mind, I drove back home, and gave lots of hugs and kisses to everybody.

Money, VWs and our Journey

Another day, another dollar...

Quite literally actually, as we take our home furnishings and place them in what used to be our living room to what is now an indoor on-going-garage-sale. I seem to be getting a dollar here and a dollar there as at least one person has been at my house everyday shopping, seeing what we have, asking what we are doing, then contributing to the fund. Our traveling fund.

Yesterday I made $2.50. Maybe that will be a latte in Nebraska. All moneys go into the travel fund. Every quarter. Strange that even though we are quite okay in the money department, and grateful for it, I am still careful of every quarter. Like 8 years ago, when I didn't change a diaper unless it was absolutely necessary, yet we continued to go slowly into debt. I wasn't sure how we were going to make possible my hopes to stay at home with our brand new baby. I just kept hoping that our $600 per month rent wouldn't go up and that somehow the universe would provide.
And thankfully, it did.

So we are selling and saving and planning and along comes the opportunity. This weekend we are looking at our possible new home. A 2000 Eurovan Camper. It seems to be in good shape, but we find out for sure on Friday when it goes into the shop. The owners are a wonderful family down in Olympia with 2 kids same ages as ours. They have taken their travelin' van around the country quite a few times. They say they hate to sell it, however, they have decided to sell everything and move to Spain for 6 - 12 months. It sounds so familiar.... I think to myself, these are people I would love to get to know. They are trying something new, getting a new perspective, he tells me... Oh yes, I also ask the curious questions of "Why are you doing this?"

We talk about the VW buses we used to own (he had a '72), and how the heaters never worked, and how they barely pushed 50mph on the freeway and laugh. We talk about what we are both currently planning and dreaming and he tells me, "You are just the kind of family I want to have our van."

This may sound strange to some, but as a previous VW owner, those hunks of metal become somewhat of a family pet. I hugged mine ( a sweet '68 Kombi camper) the day I bought it, and cried the day I sold it (even though I hadn't been able to use 4th gear for 3 months and couldn't afford to repair it.) I remember talking to it and encouraging it to make it up the hill "You can do it, girl! I think you can! I think you can!"

Yes, there is definitely an attachment to VW's vans and buses for some people that is kind of strange. It's like an ordinary car, probably not a very good car, and yet, it feels comfortable for people who are not necessarily ordinary. If I was going to compare myself to a car, (and yes, I am frightened by where this commentary is going) I am not a BMW (that is my husband) or the Mercedes that I currently drive, you know, not the fancy type (except when I play dress up once in a while). Not a reliable Toyota that I used to drive (reliable is in the eyes of the beholder), or any kind of powerful truck (I don't tend to power through much). I would probably describe myself as a person who likes to have a good time, not spend a lot of money while I do it, and doesn't care how long it takes to get there, as the journey is the best part. See? A VW van...

Journeys. We are all on our own journey, though sometimes we share the path with others. Sometimes people decide to live for a certain destination (you know, when I make enough money, get that job, lose that weight, then I will...) and sometimes live for the journey (what happens when I work like this, talk in this way, eat in this way...). We make some choices along the way and have perceptions of our experiences (for example: when I chose to go to bed early every night for a week, either A) I slept so much better- perception is - that is what you should do or B) I couldn't sleep through the night perception is- it is better to go to bed later).
I bring this up as there are a few voices that are questioning our choice to experience this journey and have doubts about our perception of what is right for our family. We thank the stars above for all the caring people in our lives and wish them peace and comfort in their own choices and perceptions of their lives. We hope that good energy and blessings will be sent out our way instead of fear and doubt.

We are on our journey ready to explore it, not powering through trying to reach a destination.

Where should we go?

A pattern is starting to happen as we tell our friends and so many new friends about the journey we are about to take. Everyone seems to have one special place that has left an impression on them so strongly that it is the first place that pops into their mind to tell us about. At first, I tried to remember what I heard, so that when we start to create our path of where we are heading, I will write it down into the column of: Possible Places to Visit. However with each new person telling us interesting information from their experiences, such as "You must go to visit the Navajo Reservation in Arizona and get a personalized tour" and "Did you know when you visit Maine there are no public bathrooms?" the information in my head is beginning to become muddled and forgotten.


We thought it would be a good thing to add to this blog the question, Where should we go?

If you have a great idea in mind for us to experience that you loved, feel free to post your comment to this blog post and we will continue to check it for ideas! Thanks for your help!

Oh the Kids!

It has been an exhausting week of selling lamps and rugs and toys and games and linens. The boys are helping by bringing me items to put into the sale that they are willing to let go of. First, the broken necklace, the party favor puzzle, the small plastic crocodile on wheels, later they become more generous and amazing with putting out Pokemon Cards, games, movies, books and even giving a precious knight's horse to a friend saying, "I don't need this anymore". I keep working on posting and selling items on Craigslist and Ebay and following through with appointments. We also have been on the medical rampage. Understanding that in a few months our generous insurance will be up, we decide to all go in for appointments for medical and dental, which are leading to secondary appointments of eye doctors, orthodontists, sleep specialists and blood tests. This also is the beginning of my research to finding private insurance for our trip. So much to think about.

With all this going on I am getting visits and phone calls from friends and family and with concern in their eyes and voices they ask, "What are you doing?" and "Why are you doing this?" So we are explaining to them what we are, in fact, doing, and why we are doing it, and assuring them we will be okay. "Of course, this is only temporary," and "We will probably be back in 3 months" is a few of the unsure comments we make. It is so wonderful to have so many people concerned about us. We stop to count our blessings.

During all these conversations we realize we haven't sat down as a family and openly talked with the boys about what is going on and ask them what they think, if they have any questions or ideas. So last night, while in the hot tub in the dark of our forest (which I can not express how much I will miss) we ask our boys how they are doing. The response is not good. They don't want to go. The older does not want to travel and the truth is that he usually doesn't want to go anywhere. Never leave the house is his motto and since we have been homeschooling he is even more attached. Even to do fun things, he drags his feet to leave. He likes stability, and we have moved 3 times already in his short 8 year life. I guess he is clinging on to his hopes of staying somewhere forever. He asks, "When will we be back?" My husband and I stutter over how we should answer the question. He asks with more intensity, "How long will we be gone?" Our feeble answer, that we just don't know for sure, brings on the upset we felt coming. Both our faces freeze as he shows in his body language how angry his is with us.

Thinking back to when I was about 7 or 8, and we moved from what was familiar to me (city suburbia) to a totally different area (rural suburbia), I remember how hard it was for me to understand why everything had to change.

I see forward into the future, my grown older son will tell me how his problems are all because of what we did wrong, like taking this crazy trip, and never settling down to let him stay in one home forever. He will ask me to pay for the 5 year long therapy sessions he has to take because of our selfish actions. I should start my jar collecting the funds to pay for it now...

Back in the hot tub, our 5 year old son is a lot more accepting of the idea of a trip. He starts to ask, "Who we will visit?" Grandma? Grandpa? Nana? Grandpa? Great-Grandma? Great Grandpa? Our cousins? How many cousins do we have? Our Uncles? Our Aunts? Friends? Will we see all of them? What else will we do? We answer each question to try to keep the excitement while peering over to the elder son, and watch him immediately get out of the tub and run into the house.

It breaks my heart to watch him react so negatively to our journey and am not sure what to do except hug him and explain how I do understand how much he wants to stay and keep everything the same. I reassure him that this is not forever, just a trip together as a family. However, I know in the back of my mind, that I don't know how long this trip will be, and hope that the words "together as a family" will bring him comfort.

By the end of the night, both boys are laughing again and smiling with worries forgotten. I just hope the more we share about the trip, the more excitement and acceptance will grow about the unknown before us. Of course, still, it's always good to put another quarter in the therapy jar.

Rolling the Dice Introduction

Our life is about to change.

Most people who know us might be thinking, "Now what?"


Since I went out on my own at 18, it is true that I have chosen quite a few interesting paths. Yes, I have lived in my '68 VW bus, followed the Grateful Dead, lived in the forest with the Rainbow Family, changed my major 3 times and colleges 4 times, and moved every 3 months until I was 25 years old.
I have been a massage therapist, a herbal consultant, a waitress, an art gallery manager, a karaoke host, a hair wrap specialist, a fundraiser for Greenpeace, an activist for democratic candidates, a nanny for 2 year old twin girls, a natural food specialist, a medical billing program tester, a wedding planner, and a Mary Kay consultant. Yes, but that was then...

I met my husband in 1996, and it's true, from our first date of camping in Sonoma, to moving in together after 3 months, to packing our stuff in storage in Santa Cruz within 5 months, to travel to meet his family in Houston, and coming back only to drive our stuff to Seattle in a U-Haul and parking at the local Marco Polo Motel (off Aurora) for 1 week as we found a place to live and get jobs. We moved apart after 6 months, to getting pregnant 6 months later, to moving back together the next day, to getting married 2 years 9 months later with our son as a ring bearer... I know, it may not be most people's story.

But the last 6 years we have been extremely status quo and proud of it. Husband has had a great job with an internet company and has been continually promoted, I stayed at home with our 2 boys (now 5 & 8) first as a Montessori mom, then a public school mom, to now a homeschooling mom, we played the real estate game and are so lucky now to be living on Bainbridge Island in a 4 bedroom, 3 bath 2700 sq ft cedar shingled with white trim home on an acre of land. We have a 400 sq ft guest cottage for visitors equipt with a kitchenette, bathroom and loft. We have a trampoline and Ket Cars and bikes and scooters for the kids, and a whole room dedicated to their play with art supplies, legos, dress-up, playmobile knights, games and toys. We have a Mercedes station wagon (with the 3rd seat, as all soccer moms need) and a chopper motorcycle (for husband's ferry travel to work) and a work truck we bought for help in our remodeling projects. We remodeled our home for 1 year and now have a gourmet kitchen with fir cabinets and granite countertops and great room with all the latest appliances and equipment, All-Clad cookware and Waterford China. We have 2 stone and propane fireplaces and turn on with the flick of a switch. We have a brand new hot tub that we use almost daily (to relax from our lives) that looks over our western redcedar forest in total privacy. We have a king sized Temperpedic bed on a rosewood sleigh bed frame with our own bathroom and walk-in closet that is overflowing with clothes. The boys each have their own rooms with their toys, books and clothes busting from closet, dresser and bins.

What we have... is every luxury we could ask for and lots of space.

This is when everything started to change. My husband started complaining about how much stuff we had and how many toys the kids had. I started complaining of how big the house was and how cold the big spaces were. I hated walking miles in my huge kitchen just to prepare meals for the family. I started feeling guilty that we had so much for the small family of 4 we had. Some people told me, what I had was about average for most folks, that my house was not, in fact, a mansion. I tried my best to believe that. I tried hard to believe my friend who said I will appreciate the space when the kids grow into teens. Still, the extravagance of our lifestyle was unsettling to my spirit. My husband complained that he was working at a glorified Target and was tired of missing out on the boy's lives just to test a website that sold stuff to people who probably had too much stuff anyway. He wanted to help the world in some way, you know, make a difference. My kids began to complain that there was "nothing to do" and how better their life would be if they had their own computer, a tv or video game. My husband and I started feeling like we had made choices that possibly took us off course, as though we had been working hard for the wrong goals.

I started watching Tim's Seattle Bubble Blog and thought, if we were going to do something, now is the time. I believed the housing market was peaking. Then one early morning -during what some might say was PMS- in May, I did the unthinkable. Without talking to my family, I put our house up for sale on Craigslist- just to see... Within the day, we had an offer, within a week we had a bidding war, and within an hour, we had an amazing offer. They would buy our home, as is (with all kinds of finishing work, remodeling and repairs to do), no inspection, and for an unreal amount more than what we bought it for 1 1/2 years earlier. This began the arguments, discussions, and planning. Do we accept this offer? Do we even want to move? Where will we go? What will we do? What about the children's lives? What about our friends? What about the great money from the job? What about our security?


By the beginning of June, we had accepted the offer, husband told work that he wasn't happy at his job, and got a promotion.
By the end of June, we changed our minds and decided to keep the house.
By the beginning of July, we decided to take the offer, and find a rental on the island. I made plans to go to California for the month of November and take the kids to visit family, to Disneyland, stay in Santa Cruz.
By the end of July, I secretly hoped the people would pull out, so we could keep the house.
By the beginning of August, we both hoped the people would pull out, so that we could keep the house.
By the end of August, we decided to find a rental and let the house go.
By September 7th, we found a great rental. Small, walk to beach, with view, and tire swing, and fun neighborhood dog, for very cheap.

September 8th - my husband woke up and said that he couldn't do it anymore. He wants to leave his job. After an hour and a pot of coffee, we had made our decision. We are selling everything not dear to us (which will stay in storage) and buying a camper Eurovan and moving in, for an unknown period of time.


He leaves for work. I think, maybe he will change his mind. Afterall, my husband grew up in Houston and LOVED it. He loved that there was always something to do. He loved the fancy lifestyle he grew up with. When we first moved to Seattle, he complained a lot how Seattle wasn't a "real" city. He felt so strongly one blurry night out, he told a visiting family from out of state, that they should go to Vancouver, Canada if they wanted to enjoy a "real" city.
Although we live in a somewhat rural-feeling area, he still is going to Seattle everyday for work. The city is in his blood.

Other possible worries are:
-he doesn't really enjoy camping, often complaining of being dirty and cold
-he loves space and everything big, as in Texas, as in our king-sized bed, and our big space home
-he is a picky eater and gets tired of eating the same thing, even leftovers from the night before
-he has always worked and gets bored easily, needing entertainment

He comes home from work, I tell him I still haven't told the rental guy we didn't want it, and we could still change our mind. Husband is shocked and reinstates how excited he is about our journey, and insists I call the landlord and tell him we are not interested. I don't.


September 9th - Owner calls and asks when I am bringing the check over, I regretfully tell him we are taking another path and that we won't be renting his place afterall. I realized this is it. We are really doing this. We tell the children and they are both upset. Neither wants to do this. They want the rental we looked at. They want to stay on Bainbridge Island with their friends.
My stomach aches. I tell them this is an adventure and that we will be seeing family, friends and amazing sites, like the Grand Canyon. They look at me with those unconvinced eyes of children who have been disappointed in the past. I tell myself that they will not, in fact, be disappointed about this new change, but say nothing.

We start packing our first boxes and selling everything else online and through Craigslist. We sold the tablesaw, coffee table, kids playmobil castle, some fancy glasses and my plastic lemonade pitcher.
By the end of the day, I am exhausted...


...and this is only the beginning.