Goodbye Friends

Sadness... I am tucked in the blanket of sadness. Feeling all the things we haven't done. The people, I was too busy to spend more time with. It's like a giant gaping hole in the center of my body, empty and exposed. Leaving the people and this place is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Yesterday, I was packing up bins, and had 4 left and just couldn't finish. Like the last day we cleaned out our sold house. I just couldn't help finish. I keep thinking, if I hold back and stop the process, it won't happen. But it keeps happening, as my husband keeps finishing the work. Last night at dinner, he had this look on his face like a boy about to get into his first car and take it for a spin. He was so excited. He told me all about how he knew we would have so much fun and he was realizing that we were really doing this.

Really doing this. Yes, I know.

You see, I start a lot of ideas in a moment of time when I am in a singular thought. I do not, however, always dig deep into consequences. The truth is, nothing comes for free. Throughout my life, I have created and been given amazing possibilities. I have followed through on most of them. I also know what happens at the end. Once you step through the change and experience it, you own it. The experience becomes a memory of your life. What you are left with is a wider perspective, more knowledge to use to balance out trying times. What doesn't seem to change, is your heart. Your heart being who you are, and feel, give and need. That doesn't change.

Giving up what you know, and people you love for a new life is no easy task. Whatever may come and what new thoughts may change us, I know I will end up looking for everything I have found here... in amazing, beautiful friends.