Winding Down

On the first leg of our trip, we headed towards the Washington Coast, landing in Hoquiam. We were so full of excitement as we pulled into our first hotel room. We had done it, we were on our way. We had decided to stay in hotels for awhile until we got somewhere that was warmer than freezing at night. It was late, and we were all tired. We got settled in and the kid's were watching TV while Husband was on the computer, when it hit me: something was not right. Instead of feeling happy and free, I was a mess. I was stressed and full of fear. I wasn't sure where we would end up. I wanted a home again and a kitchen. However, I thought I would wake up feeling better in the morning, after all, it had been such a long day.

We got on the road again first thing in the morning, and began our descent down the coast of Oregon. The day was absolutely gorgeous. Sunny skies, clear and blue. Though it was still 40 degrees outside, the sun was great for happy travels. The kids in the back kept asking when we were getting to a hotel again. I figured we would stay in Seaside, as we always had loved it in the past, but my husband wanted to get further down and get to the warmer South as soon as possible, so after lunch on the beach, we kept driving. We drove and drove until we reached Lincoln City. Again, it was late, and as soon as we found a hotel with a pool, we checked in.

I really didn't think our trip would feel so rushed. We were so rushed to get out of our apartment for the prior week to our trip, and it just seemed like we were still in a big hurry. I thought we would stop at places along the way to explore, but instead, it felt like a distraction to our goal of getting to the warmth so we could camp. I felt queasy inside, something I couldn't shake. Adding to my homeless grief, I began to feel like I was coming down with something. After eating Taco Time for dinner, I was just messy. Body, mind and spirit. It was time to collect myself. I had the husband take the kids to the pool, and I began to cry. I cried for all the things lost, for all my ideals not immediately coming into fruition, and for hotel rooms with bleached sheets and stinky soap. I cried about fast food, and lack of a kitchen. After I was done, the boys had returned so happy from the pool, I felt blessed by their smiles and hugs. We cozied in, and we all fell asleep. When I woke up to the next sunshine morning, everything seemed to be more relaxed and with a bit more hope, though I still had a queasy feeling in my gut.

After talking with my husband, we decided to stay in this hotel, one more night. This would give us a day off the road and a chance to regroup. So we walked to the beach and had so much fun. We made up our soon to be famous "Hide the Rock" song, flew kites, and let the waves of water chase us. My youngest was the first one to get caught. The fresh air was wonderful. Husband and I talked about getting back on our original plan. You know, like eating healthier, watching little to no TV, walking everyday, and enjoying where we are at the moment, without feeling like we need to be getting somewhere else, or to some other goal. This is huge for us. We have been working toward a future goal...well...since we met. It is hard to put yourself in a place where there is no goal. The only goal is to just be.
That night, we found a health food store. We decided while we were hotel-ing it, we would have the hotel breakfast, eat out at lunch, and then eat a smaller, colder, natural and organic healthy dinner. By the next morning, I began feeling myself and excited to get back on the road.

We drove past Newport and found our way to the Yaquina Head Lighthouse. We decided it was a must see. No one in our family had ever climbed a lighthouse before, that we could remember, and we felt we had to do it. It wasn't until we climbed the first set of steps that I remembered my intense fear of heights. Soon about halfway up, my youngest announced, the he too was afraid of going much higher. We took deep breaths and didn't look down and the next thing we knew, we were at the top! What a breathtaking view! My target heart rate had been hit, and it was time to climb down. Husband took care of our youngest as he announced he couldn't get down. So sweet, he went down the entire staircase on his bottom with my husband behind him encouraging his abilities. I was clinging to the outside wall as my oldest child continued to reminded me that we were almost to the bottom. We had made it, and as weak as it may seem, a huge step for me, in fact, they gave away buttons that said, "I survived the climb at Yaquina Head Lighthouse." I still wear it proudly on my jacket.

We drove to Florence and as I still felt a little queasy, (at this point I decided from car sickness and windy roads) the boys all went out to jump and play in the sand dunes, while I took a nap. I went to sleep clinging to the comfort of my new home and awoke to the boys back and sandy and laughing. They had a blast, and luckily my husband had videotaped the fun, which I got to watch later. As we drove on, the boys began singing in the back and we knew they were truly happy.

Our last stop in Oregon, was Bandon, where we found a great place with an ocean view and a kitchen! I was able to whip up dinner and breakfast, and found out something. The hearth really is the heartbeat of the home, and any hearth with do. I never realized how important cooking for my family was for me until that day. My husband and older son went to hit some golf balls at the Bandon Dunes Golf Resort, while my youngest and I went swimming. When we were all packed up and on the road the next day, I no longer felt queasy, we were taking our time and having fun. Hope is back. Excitement is in the air. California here we come!

Day 2

We did it! We actually got all the paperwork done. We got all the packing done. We are officially on the road.

Of course, it took us 2 extra days.

Our original plan was to leave on Tuesday in the morning. After working late into the night on Monday, we realized that instead, it would take the whole day on Tuesday. 'No problem,' we thought, we would leave Tuesday night. Ah yes, that was mighty fine thinking…. Do you know what goes into taking all your worldly goods, that used to fill up 3000 sq. ft., and then slowing eliminating your things, and packing your memories into storage while trying to fit what you need into 800 sq ft, and then continuing to eliminate the rest to storage, while packing what you need into less than 70 sq ft? Let me tell you that it takes a lot of thinking, consideration and planning. It went a little like this,

“Yes, we should take this… no, that won’t fit in there, maybe we will only take half of it, no, that won’t fit either… Okay, I guess we don’t need it.”

There were so many things that went into the process of elimination that we had to bag it for the night on Tuesday, and decided to leave the next morning. We were sure that we would be done by 10:00 AM on Wednesday.
Of course, that didn’t happen either.

We were working like soldiers until finally at 3:00 PM, we went back into the condo to find that there was nothing left to take. We had done it! We were ready to get on the road.

And yet....we couldn’t get off the island, until we ran the myriad of last minute errands that we kept forgetting to do that prior week. We started on the South of the island, went North a bit, and went from the East over to the West, up North a bit more back over to the West again, and then it happened! We were finally driving off the island over the bridge. We couldn’t believe it.

Of course we still had to go to Poulsbo to take our last box of items that wouldn’t fit into the van to storage. We had one space left in the floor of our 10’ X 10’ room and the huge box literally slid right into that space with only an inch or two on each side! We placed the vacuum on top of the box and gave each other a high five.We didn't plan it, but it was perfect... and we were done! Everything from our former life that we kept, fit. We were ready to head off into space. On our way out of Poulsbo, the sun was setting on the blue sky and we got one last pink glimpse of the beautiful and breathtaking, snow-covered Olympic Mountains.

We had planned to go straight to Edmonds, where we lived for 8 years to stay with friends and say goodbye. One last ride on the ferry. There is something so beautiful and fun about the ferry, it was wonderful to have a last trip over the amazing Puget Sound. This night was so breathtaking. The sky was filled with hot pink, cotton candy cloud puffs defined with orange highlights. The water was dark and calm, though we were starry eyed and bursting with anticipation.

It was wonderful to see our old friends again and the kids were so happy to play. Yet that night, I went to bed with one thought.

‘We no longer have a town to call home.’

Goodbye Friends

Sadness... I am tucked in the blanket of sadness. Feeling all the things we haven't done. The people, I was too busy to spend more time with. It's like a giant gaping hole in the center of my body, empty and exposed. Leaving the people and this place is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Yesterday, I was packing up bins, and had 4 left and just couldn't finish. Like the last day we cleaned out our sold house. I just couldn't help finish. I keep thinking, if I hold back and stop the process, it won't happen. But it keeps happening, as my husband keeps finishing the work. Last night at dinner, he had this look on his face like a boy about to get into his first car and take it for a spin. He was so excited. He told me all about how he knew we would have so much fun and he was realizing that we were really doing this.

Really doing this. Yes, I know.

You see, I start a lot of ideas in a moment of time when I am in a singular thought. I do not, however, always dig deep into consequences. The truth is, nothing comes for free. Throughout my life, I have created and been given amazing possibilities. I have followed through on most of them. I also know what happens at the end. Once you step through the change and experience it, you own it. The experience becomes a memory of your life. What you are left with is a wider perspective, more knowledge to use to balance out trying times. What doesn't seem to change, is your heart. Your heart being who you are, and feel, give and need. That doesn't change.

Giving up what you know, and people you love for a new life is no easy task. Whatever may come and what new thoughts may change us, I know I will end up looking for everything I have found here... in amazing, beautiful friends.

The Three P's

So the last week has been one of paperwork, packing and planning.

We have been up to our necks in paperwork and online forms. For leaving work, getting our taxes prepared, moving and changing addresses, applying for new health coverage, opening new bank accounts, accessing accounts online, going paperless, canceling accounts, updating wills, and all other regular monthly paperwork has left our brains spinning. Luckily, we are close to being done and we have started the packing process.

We bought a used waterproof roof cargo pack on Ebay and are starting to look at how much space we really have, which I fear is much less than I was originally thinking. We have packed a medium-large sized tub of books that I was sure we would want and need on our trip. This would foster interest and ideas about all different subjects to homeschool the boys. Now, I am sure we have brought too much. We are going to have to whittle it away until we have only 3-4 month's worth of supplies. I was originally planning to bring a year's worth of items. It just doesn't make sense when you do not have the room.

Sometimes, it is hard to remember the abundance of the world. When you have a home, you are always thinking about collecting things, not only to bring you current comfort, but also to plan for the future. You know, like emergency candles and supplies for bad weather and power outages, plenty of every kind of battery, every kind of tool you may need to fix everything, clothes for every occasion and weather, kid's toys and art supplies for when they ask and that rainy day, last minute gift items should something come up, maps of the world and places you visit often for that last minute vacation, and of course books for education and for when you find the need to read something right away. The list can go on and on. Of course, we just don't have the room for all that future planning. We can only bring two candles, the blankets we are using for sleep, the food we have in our small storage, the batteries that we are currently using, a few tools for basic camping and car needs along with a pocket knife and Leatherman (Mcguyver would be good to have with us to get the van started with a piece of chewing gum, but we just don't have the space for one more traveler,) clothes for two days (wear one, wash one) and layers we will wear over and over again, buying gifts online, a map of where we are heading, and packing the one book we are currently reading.
Then there is art and homeschooling supplies.
I wish we could have brought our 4 boxes of kids books and 5 bins of art supplies, and don't ask me why I keep thinking that this is a good time to buy a set of encyclopedias. We want the kids learning and stimulated and finding fun things to study.

Remembering abundance is what will help. Remembering that there is a store or gas station all along the highway that will most likely have our emergency needs, if not, we have our phone and AAA. There are libraries with that set of encyclopedias and are always having those "Friend's of the Library" book sales for inexpensive books (as we add our old book to the sale collection), thrift stores for clothes as our current ones wear out or the boys grow out of them as well as books, puzzles and a toy that will excite them for our next long stretch of driving. There is plenty... there is an abundance to fill our needs. Of course should we be desperate, we can always buy new (Yikes!) Though I am extremely dedicated to never once go into a Wal-mart, no matter how convenient it may be for us.

If you already know me, I have so much guilt in buying new. There is so much abundance in the US that buying new is (luckily) an option I rarely have to take. I look on craigslist, ebay, garage sales, thrift stores, freecycle, and newspapers first for a couple of weeks, before I run out to buy something new. I almost always find it, in good or like new condition, for less than new price and best of all, it saves our overflowing landfills.
I almost never throw away anything that may still be of use to someone. It always amazes me what people may need or want if you make it free! Craigslist and Freecycle is free to list and a lot of papers will also let you list for free if you give it away and the cool thing is they come and get it! This was a wonder as we remodeled our last home and gave away broken cement, pavers, an old cedar hot tub, tiles, wood stoves, stair rails, carpet, kitchen cabinets, doors, windows, and so much more. It was simply amazing!

So last on our list is planning. So many people have asked us where we are going and we have told them the truth, "We don't know." Last week we confirmed the idea to go south to California first. Since we got our health insurance down there, instead of here in Washington (saving us $120 a month!) we want to be there in case we need to show up in person to sign anything. This week we have added to the many ideas swimming around, so many that somebody has to get out of the pool. This week we are seriously considering that after driving down to California, we drop the van off with family, and fly off to Europe to live there for 6 months. (All comments or information about this are welcome. We need ideas!) We are looking into flying into London (the rates are unbelievably low right now) and taking the train down through France and into Spain, where we would stay for 4-6 months. Husband has been to Spain and speaks Spanish rather well. The kids and I have been practicing whenever we can, though more now that Husband is home.

Here are my honest thoughts and fears on this: I just am not sure if this is the right time to go. I am worried about how to handle our money, our health care, and being US American doesn't make me feel very easy about traveling out of country, also the isolation the kids might feel as they don't really speak Spanish and won't be able to pick up friends easily, as they will speaking English, especially right after leaving their friends here. Yes, we will gain a wonderful experience, but I was also excited about traveling, visiting and learning about eco-communities and people who live off the grid and other intentional communities. I have never been much of a site-seer when we go places. I like to get to know people and find out what they think about and believe in. I was also excited about being "on the road" in our van. Well, we shall see. We will have many more talks about it over the next few days. Yes, our plans are to leave in 10 short days!

Meanwhile, we will continue to pack... and learn hablar español.

The Holidays

Ahhhhh..... The holidays are over. Really over. This means the holiday cards are off the wall, the decorations are put away, all remnants of holiday treats have been devoured, and the tree has been put out to pasture. For someone, like myself, who loves the holidays as much as I do, it always amazes me how much I love them to be over by January 2nd.

We had a wonderful time, however, without our usual out-of-town parent visits; most years, Husband's mom comes until the 24th and my parents show up the 26th or later and stay through New Year's Day. Yes, this year was different. For the first time we celebrated Winter Soltice, the longest night of the year. To this Northern area, it really means something wonderful to us. For the whole month of December, we are given less and less daylight. The darkness seems darker than usual, probably because of all the dark rainclouds that cover the sky, so you just don't see a sparkle of stars or beam from the moon to light up the night and your spirits. Then, by the 20th of December, the sunrise is at 8:00 and sunset is at 4:00pm. Only eight hours to get your Vitamin D. So, to celebrate this last night of the days getting shorter, we burn candles to light the night and play music and games and enjoy every last minute of the long darkness with a sense of hope. We invited our friends over to play and eat and we told the kids that they could stay up as late as they wanted. The kids thought this was an amazing gift and had their plans, until 1:30am, when we authoritatively told them they had to go to bed. We never thought they would make it past 12. Boy, those little guys were so wired and excited. Next year, the rule will be changed to "stay up as late as Mom and Dad do!

Then came Christmas a few days later, which was quiet and lovely. The kids were excited about their new things and we just relaxed. We did go out in the evening to friend's homes to pass out of the hundreds of snowball cookies we baked up, but spent the night watching movies and just enjoying the nothingness to do.

New Year's again we had a party to celebrate New York's New Year. This is a trick I learned from my wise sister who does this every year. Celebrating midnight in New York is only 9 o'clock our time. The kids still get to stay up a bit late, and count down and let off the poppers and make the noise, but still get to bed at a decent hour. We bought 2 giant party packs of poppers for the 9 of us, and we were swimming in confetti by the end. Besides the completely unreal amount of unrecyclable material, how can you not just love watching the kids setting off gunpowdered powered confetti on New Year's?

To end the holidays in style, on Jan 2nd Husband left his job of almost 10 years. He was given a severence package of 1 week's pay and they told us to smile. Of course we did smile. We smiled that he left when he did. This company, like most corporations, has tried to suck out every last drop of his soul. For years, they asked for the moon from him, and he delivered them Mars. They said they were impressed and he was told of huge promotions, but only got his measley 3% raise every year. They gave him new titles, to boost his ego, but not the amounts in our bankbook. And after reorganizing away his half of the department he worked in, he was given a few weeks over the holidays to find a new management position. Then they told him his last day would be the day before a 5 year vesting stock would vest. When he asked for that stock, they hesitantly said yes and throw him a week's pay of severance. Unbelievable!

I told him and I am telling you, it's a blessing in disguise. We walked away easily, with no worries that we were doing the wrong thing, and now we are walking towards a new life where the real things in life matter. Our family. In his new job, we will always praise him and love him for everything he does. And though we don't ask for the moon, he still delivers it to us, in his loving hands.